Obama’s Inaguration Disaster: Five Dismal Predictions

As many as 4 million people are expected for Obama’s inauguration in January, and you better believe that Washington is ill-equipped to deal with a fraction of that many people. The Times estimates that the city’s train capacity is around 120,000 people per hour, so suffice it to say that hundreds of thousands of impatient democrats will be waiting for a very long time before they can squeeze into a very small space and engage in Obamania.

Considering that a herd of obese animals trampled a Wal-Mart employee to death in New York for an early crack at an iPod, I’d be *shocked* if less than 13 people are are stampeded to death in Washington.

In fact, I’m gonna go ahead and make several dismal predictions for Obama’s inauguration:

1. At least 13 people will be trampled to death
2. Paramedics will be in the crowd to assist the “fainters”
3. There will be at least one riot
4. The resident criminals will have a field day
5. Despite the above, this will be described as one of the “greatest moments in American history”

It’s gonna be tough to separate the fainted from the trampled

I don’t mean to sound so negative, but you have to remember that half of democrats think Obama is the second coming of Christ, and when you mix that in with their inherent love of collectionism and the group mentality, well you have a molotov cocktail just waiting to be thrown.

Tags: obama inauguration

New Obama “Fun With Whitey” Soundboard

A current theme throughout Obama’s memoir Dreams of My Father is his struggle to relate with and accept white people. In fact, there are enough outlandish and funny/border-line offensive whitey moments to fill an entire soundboard. So that’s exactly what we’ve done with the new “Fun With Whitey” soundboard.

We probably don’t need to remind you of this, but almost all of these sound clips are taken out of context.

Obama Soundboard 2 Update

Obama Soundboard #2 has been updated with sound clips from Obama’s “smoking” interview with Tom Brokaw on Meet the Press, and also a cooking segment he did for 60 Minutes awhile back. Obama claims he makes delicious cheese toast - what a gourmet. You can watch the video from which the sound clips were taken below.

How to record prank calls

We’ve received several emails asking us to explain how to record high-quality, anonymous prank calls, so we’ll detail the process here.

1. Download Skype for free and setup an account using fake information.

2. Buy a Visa gift card, and then register it online. Register the card with a fake name so you can further minimize the chances of being traced.

3. Transfer some funds from the gift card into your Skype account.

4. Download Audacity for free.

5. Make sure Audacity is set to record from your computer’s sound card.

6. Make the call with Skype, and hit the record button on Audacity. If this is working properly, you will be able to actually see the sounds being recording with Audacity.

7. After you’ve finished the call and recording, you can export the recording by selecting “File” and then choosing “Export as MP3″ or “Export as Wav”.

With Skype, there is an extremely low chance of your call ever being traced. As long as you don’t threaten anyone or break any serious laws, there’s no way the phone company will spend their time and money tracing a call made from a computer.

Florida congresswoman hangs up on Obama thinking it’s a prank call

Thanks to this website, there have been so many Obama prank calls going around that nearly everyone is sceptical of receiving a legitimate call from the President-elect.

A congresswoman from Florida hung up on Barry twice, and when someone from his staff called to tell her it wasn’t a prank, she hung up on him too. That’s JUST how white folks will do ya!

Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, R-Fla, hung up on Obama twice thinking it was us.

Is Obama a secret Muslim?

The answer is no, of course not. But a lot of Muslims in the Middle East tend to think he is secretly a Shi’ite, and when you couple that with a freudian slip, a middle name like Hussein, and the fact that Obama was conveniently baptized as a Christian right before he ran for public office, the conspiracy doesn’t seem too far fetched.

I’m  absolutely, positively,100% Christian. And O.J. was innocent.

Even the most articulate man in the world slips up every once in awhile, right?

Russia will be selling us our own oil. Thank you, libs…

Russia is working is out an agreement with Cuba which would allow them to drill for oil in the Gulf of Mexico, less than 200 miles away from Florida. Since we have had high gas prices for the better part of the last three years, why aren’t we drilling there? The simple answer is the democrats don’t want us to. They don’t want any new nuclear plants, either. The only projects that are acceptable to them are the “green” technologies: wind, solar, hydro and geothermal. The democrats in this country would rather have Russia come and steal our own natural resources and sell them back to us for a huge profit.

I agree that we can’t continue to rely on oil to power our country, but we can’t allow other countries to exploit our natural resources in the process. We need to drill here and drill now while simultaneously pushing for new, cleaner energies. Oil is down below $50 a barrel thanks to the world-wide economic recession.

If Bush and Obama made a joint announcement that the United States would seek complete energy independence by drilling in Florida, Dakotas and Alaska, oil would drop below $25 a barrel and we would have gas at $.69 a gallon once again. Not to mention the fact that we would NOT be funding the very countries that are killing our men and women in uniform.

Drill here, drill now, and push for clean energy alternatives at the same time. Is it really that hard?

New Obama Soundboard is here

We’ve started a second Obama Soundboard, and you can access it on the main page or right here. We’ll be adding five sound clips per day until the board is full, so check back often.

Highlights include “I believe we should spread the wealth around”, ‘Contrary to popular belief, I was not born in a manger”, and several other recent gaffes taken straight from the Messiah himself. 

“Contrary to popular belief, I was not born in a manger.”

Rebuilding the Republican Party

So the democrats have won a paltry four of the last 12 Presidential elections, and all of the sudden Conservatism needs to be reinvented? I don’t think so, Nancy. McCain never had much a chance in this race, and I was surprised he won as many states as he did. After almost taking the Presidency in 2004 with Frankenstein/Long Dong Edwards, the democrats could have nominated Ted Kennedy’s liver and still put a beatdown on the Maverick(s).

Nancy is ready to give America a face-lift. I’m sure she knows a good guy for that.

Let’s face it–the last eight years the Republican party has resembled the democratic party more than the democratic party has resembled the democratic party. President Bush signed every damn spending bill that came his way (except for the stem cell bill, which many moderates wanted him to sign), grew the federal government and deficit at an unprecedented rate, did nothing about illegal immigration, put no budget on the war, and did a miserable job selling the public on his initiatives.

The Republican Party doesn’t need to be reinvented in order to be successfully rebuilt. The Party simply needs to return to its conservative roots by doing the following:

1. Stop spending our fucking money. It’s not your money, it’s the tax-payer’s money. Treat it like your own savings account and spend it only when necessary. 
2. Reduce the size and scope of government. The goal of a conservative America should always be to have the maximum security and freedom possible with the least amount of government. Do we need the consultants from Office Space to come in and clean house?
3. Set a budget and work within it. This refers back to #1. In the private sector, if you go over budget, you lose your job. The same rules should apply to our elected suits.
4. Promote Individualism; denounce Obama’s Collectivism. Obama truly believes that America is great because it’s “more than just a collection of individuals”. Sorry Barry, America isn’t great a country because if its government. America is great because of the individuals that comprise it.
5. Get a young rock star to lead the party. Sarah Palin is a great start, but we need someone with rhetorical skills strong enough to challenge Uhhbama.

Tags: republican party

The top ten differences between Obama and Lincoln

Today the Washington Post compares the early political careers of Barack Obama and Abraham Lincoln and finds that there are quite a few similarities between the two. They are both lawyers from Illinois, both Presidents, both like to read, blah blah blah. Since there appear to be so many *shocking* similarities indicating that Obama will be the next legendary President, I thought I’d post the top ten differences between Obama and Lincoln:

10. Abraham Lincoln was a goofy white dude with a beard, while Obama is a clean, articulate and bright African-American.

9. Lincoln had virtually no formal education; Obama attended Columbia and Harvard.

8. Lincoln suspended the writ of habeas corpus to keep the tattered union together. Obama wants to create a civilian paramilitary force to accomplish our “national security objectives”.

7. Lincoln was a seasoned politician having served in the Illinois state legislature and the U.S. congress for a combined 22 years before becoming President. Obama served seven years as a State Senator and two years as a U.S. senator before campaigning for President.

6. Lincoln envisioned America as a country “conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal”. Obama wants all men to stay equal.

5. Lincoln would never nurture friendships with people who hate America.

4. Lincoln didn’t spend half of his life “discovering” himself.

3. Lincoln enjoyed smoking a pipe, and Obama enjoyed smoking a bowl.

2. Lincoln was tested for syphilis and Obama was tested for AIDS.

1. Lincoln’s autobiograpy didn’t contain the phrase “Get your hands out of my fries… you ain’t my bitch, niggah!”

Tags: lincoln, obama